Guest Blogger Day

Today's guest blogger is Gayle Luster. She is a counselor and long-time "friend" of Earnestine's. She's blogging today while Earnestine is away grieving about her flip flops.

A Day in the life of a therapist.

(This story is shared with permission of my client, I have changed her name to protect her guilt.)

It’s rare for me to work with children and teens in my practice, but occasionally under the right circumstances I take one on as a client. Unless the parents are willing to work on their own issues, I think therapy with kids is futile. That’s why, when I work with a teen or pre-teen, I want to have a relationship with at least one of their parents. HB fits the bill. Her mother has been a client of mine. She brought HB to me 5 or 6 years ago, but the timing just wasn’t right. Finally in junior high, HB asked to see me again.

HB has been a great client and I’VE learned a lot from her. Specifically I’m learning the benefit of using MySpace in the therapy process. Things rapidly change in the life of a teen (like from hour to hour.). When things are going well, they don’t have a lot to say (at least to their therapist). But when they are angry or hurt they need to vent STAT. MySpace gives me a way to make this work for both of us. HB can write me an email and vent. When I check my messages I get to “hear” where HB is at. We can discuss what happened in our next session. HB also does her therapy homework assignments on MySpace and then we go over them the next time we see each other. I’ve discovered a powerful tool in MySpace to use with teens. HB has been a big part of my discovery.

HB is also very funny. I love her sense of humor. Recently she came to a session and we were just getting started when I looked down and saw this (see picture) on my floor. It’s an aluminum foil “brain shield” (if you’ve seen the movie Signs you’ll recognize it - the kids wore it so the aliens couldn’t read their minds.) Boy did I get a great laugh. I almost rolled out of my chair. (LOLROF in MySpace speak.)

How perfect - a mind shield in your therapist’s office. It made me think about all my “adult” clients who wear their invisible mind shields. In shrink-talk we call them defense mechanisms. It sure would make my job a lot easier if all their defense mechanisms were made out of aluminum foil and were worn on the outside of their bodies. No such luck. For now, I’ll have to use my x-ray vision and be more like one of the aliens from Signs when peering into their minds.

Today I’m grateful to HB for taking down the shield, doing therapy homework, and making me laugh!

(Note to Earnestine - flip flops don't make the woman, it's the woman that makes the flip flops. You'll be okay Just go eat a big steaming bowl of mac cheese.)

Où es-tu mon cher Earnestine?

Earnestine, Earnestine where for art thou Earnestine?

Just remember if you ever decide that you want to make a living being an earnest writer you're gonna pay and it's NOT for a while. I don't mean to be a whiner (and as many of you know I do have a fine French whine - "tant pis pour moi"), but sometimes it's just no fun. I've become my own brand and I've dedicated myself to a brand (heeelloooo people at Kraft.) I've learned about RSS feeds and I've over fed myself. I've been chased by a Thundering Herd and I've listened to Earnest be interviewed about the thundering herd. I've played with words and come to enjoy word play. I've come up with so many puns that it just isn't punny any more. I've been cheesy and I've written lots about cheese. I bought real estate in cyberspace that isn't really real. Now I need better places to house my wares and I've struggled with what to wear (I've even found time to watch What Not To Wear.) Some days I am tired but I am not worn out (thanks Jewel for those words.) I've outgrown my templates and scratched my temples in frustration with new platforms while building my own platform. I've called in the marines and he is coming to help. One post at a time Earnest and I are stocking the "shelves" with inventory.

One post at a time, I'm claiming my spot here in the blogosphere. It's a wild, wacky, wonderful ride filled with wonder. Where am I you ask and I want you to hear - I'm right here and here is where I'm going to stay!

The Medley Version of Life Uncommon by Jewel
(with Go Tell it On the Mountain and From a Distance)

I Kept My Promise

Dear Kraft:

I am a woman of my word.

Love and mac cheese,

Earnestine

Getting caught with your panties down near a thundering herd is scary.

As you may know, I’ve been on a “so called” vacation to Yellowstone National Park. So called - because even though I did get to fulfill my need for mac cheese along the road I was banned (by Earnest) from entering the Coach Outlet in Fort Collins, Colorado. It’s right next door to Cracker Barrel where the mac cheese is warm, creamy, and delicious. But we were on a schedule and I was not given permission to go Coach shopping. We are now on the return trip, we are going to stop at the same Cracker Barrel and I’m still barred from the Outlet Stores.

Earnestine’s top 10 reasons why this wasn’t a real vacation:

10. My hiking boots chipped my pedicure and wrecked the cute little flowers I had on my big toenails.

9. Two words - fanny pack.

8. No spa, no beach, no margaritas.

7. Zip off hiking pants may be functional but they are NOT flattering.

6. Did I really need to make visual confirmation that bears do indeed poop in the woods? Being near the top of the food chain is no excuse for poor manners.

5. Getting charged by a thundering herd of bison (okay a tiny exaggeration) with one booty cheek hanging out (not an exaggeration) is scary. Said zip off pants ripped while dodging a coyote earlier in the day. A one inch rip turned into a 12 inch gaping hole. Poor craftsmanship no doubt. (I wonder if Coach makes zip off hiking pants?) I will be asking for my money back! Thankfully I was wearing adorable pink nickers.

4. Doing laundry to get the stench out of your socks shouldn’t be a part of any vacation!

3. Eating lunch out of a buttateria (remember the fanny pack?)

2. Besides being nearly molested by all those animals (and the signs told us not to molest the animals - where were their signs?) our biggest fun was playing the license plate game (btw, there is still a bounty on Hawaii.)

-and-

Earnestine’s number 1 reason why this wasn’t a real vacation

1. No Eiffel tower and no French wine (tant pis pour moi! - now that’s a French whine!)

-and-

Earnestine’s number 1 reason why she’d do all over again in a second?

10 priceless days with Little Lady, Motor Mouth, Crazy Teen,
Pharm Boy, Big Momma, and IPop!

A Message to the Good People at Kraft (from the road)

The other day I was talking to one of my dear readers about the advent of the Kraft Mac Cheese (KMC) crackers. I think I would make a very good spokesmodel for their product. I’m witty, charming and I have the right size booty. You certainly don’t want some skinny bootied runway model for this campaign. You can’t have your spokesmodel throwing up when she sees the box. My friend gently pointed out that I was a fraud and would never land the job because I was willing to eat generic mac cheese.

She’s right. To this point, I have been a mac cheese ho. I’m admitting to having a problem and now I'm making a decision to turn my life and will over the care of the good people at Kraft. I want to make amends for my wrong doing. This is my public apology. I’m sorry I ever let an inferior boxed cheesy noodle cross my lips and land on my hips! I promise to never let this happen again. I am now faithfully and forever yours!

Imagine how nice a bright blue ball cap with a golden yellow mac cheese noodle logo would look on me. No doubt you've heard of the Nike Swoosh. We could could call this logo The Kraft Noodle. I’d love to help them introduce a Kraft Noodle line of apparel, products, and promotions. I have a few ideas:

• Bright blue ball caps with a golden yellow mac cheese colored elbow noodle in the center.

• Bright Blue T-shirts with the noodle logo on the upper left hand front corner. The back of the T-Shirt could say “I’m The Cheesiest.”

• There could be an “I heart Kraft Mac Cheese" campaign. There would be a special edition box of mac cheese with heart shaped noodles introduced at Valentine’s Day (of course.)

• How about a "30 days to a cheesier life series?" We could create 30 recipes using KMC or KMC Crackers - one for each day of the month. (We could tell a heart warming story each day about how KMC was there for us in our time of need.)

• The "30 days to a cheesier life" series could start as a contest (the prize - a year’s supply of KMC) for the best recipe using KMC and the best heart warming KMC story.

• How about a NASCAR car painted blue with the KMC noodles all over it. I don’t know much about race car drivers. Is there one named Mac?

Dear Readers,

I’m hoping you’ll comment on this blog and help me come up with some more product and campaign ideas for my friends at Kraft. Remember, I have young readers so no funny business (email those ideas to me privately :) For those of you who are writing books or starting your own business this is called “the marketing plan” section of the proposal. Consider it practice....

With warm cheesy thoughts,

Earnestine May

A Mac Cheese Update (from the road)

Late Breaking News:

Cracker Barrel has AWESOME mac cheese!

And now back to the regularly scheduled post...

A scout of mine procured the Kraft Mac Cheese Crackers. Last night I tried the cheddar flavored ones. Here’s my review:

A tasty cracker ingeniously shaped like an elbow macaroni. At first taste, it's just okay. But as with fine wine, the more you have the better it gets. The coating is a little grainy just like the powdered cheese you get in the box when you are making the real thing. Please tell me I’m not the only one who has licked the spoon after mixing the cheese powder, milk, and butter. (Hi I’m Earnestine May a mac-cheeseaholic and I’ve licked the finger I stuck in the still grainy mixture while reconstituting the cheese. Confessions are good for the soul.) Anywho - if you are a spoon or finger licker, you’ll really like this cracker. It grows on you (and grows in you - a syndrome known as “mac cheese booty”.)

I’ll be trying other flavors on this trip. I may be bootylicious, but after all the hiking I’m hoping it will be a booty al dente.

Elliot Cuts The Big Cheese

I got to be a "fly on the wall" while Elliot interviewed the big cheese (not mac cheese) today (Earnest). It's always fun to hear Elliot, but today he was awesome. Elliot decided to do lots of research before Earnest's interview. He was infinitely prepared and veered from his standard format a bit. He was spontaneous, charming and scarily well prepared. Way to go Elliot!

I wondered if he might be channeling the spirit of Tim Russert (please Lord don't let it be Anderson Cooper he's channeling - Elliot is too smart for that!) Imagine Elliot with his youthful charm and devious smile (at least I think he was smiling) asking some very hard hitting journalistic questions. Thankfully Mr. Big Cheese is somewhat of a savant as well and was able to provide intelligent responses to Elliot's questions.

Luckily, I don't think any of this will hurt Earnest's political career as:

a. he doesn't have one.

-and-

b. knowing the origin of the name of the little hillbilly's hometown isn't very controversial.

The interview will air Saturday August 2nd.