What kind of call did you just make?

Our family has a weird way of morphing nicknames. We all end up with nicknames for nicknames. An outsider would be lost. Heck - us insiders are lost too! So tonight I’m calling my sweet 16 year old, deaf, barely able to walk doggie, Betty, to come in from outside. I having to yell loudly and repetitively to get her attention. All of a sudden I really hear what I am saying. I’ve been saying this for months. Remember she’s deaf and I'm yelling real loud.

Here’s the morphing of the name Betty. It taken many years to get to this…

Betty
Bettina

Tina

Teenie
Shabetty
Shabooty
Booty
Booitcal

And finally over the last months I've been standing at the back door screaming:

BOOTY CALL!

No wonder the new neighbors are avoiding us.

Mutha's Day

Another weekend of writing for dear ol' Earnestine means a trip to Kroger for supplies. After the last full weekend at the computer (see post of April 25), I decided to fore go the mac cheese and do a juice fast (really). This time I only traveled the outer aisles during the visit to the store. That's where all the "real" food lives (it's very sad on those outer aisles). It's also where the seasonal stuff can be found. Since nothing or no one has ever climbed out of my womb and my own mother died several years ago, I don't pay much attention to Mother's Day, but Kroger is doing an excellent job of marketing. I became acutely aware that Sunday is Mother's Day and Saturday is Hispanic Mother's Day (no I did not make that up) I'm not sure why Hispanic moms get a different day. If you do, please let me know.

But, I am a mother of sorts (no not a mutha!) I have bonus kids thanks to Earnest and I have dogbabies. The dogs haven't figured out how to bring me anything other than something ejected from one of their ends. But this year I realized that I have given birth - to words on paper or more accurately LCD. While those words didn't climb out of my womb, they did fall from my heart and mind. I decided to buy my own flowers. Due to the amount of money I've earned from writing, I opted for the $12.99 bouquet of pink roses rather than the $20 harmony bouquet. The roses are making me smile.

As for the juice fast, yuck. There's only one thing I miss more than my mac cheese this weekend and that's my mom.

Did Hemingway Eat Mac Cheese?

In preparation for a weekend of writing and website building:

4/24/08, Thursday 7:15pm

Go to club. Do 45 minutes of cardio.

8:30pm
Go to Kroger. Purchase $65 work of saturated trans fat laden carbs. Have not seen this particular collection of items in my basket since 1976. Bypass all outer aisles of grocery store, except to purchase heavy whipping cream (don’t ask.)

9:30pm
Consume pizza, pizza rolls, and Dove Milk Chocolate in a quantity that will take at least 8 hours of cardio to burn. 11:30pmTake laptop into spare bedroom. Begin competitive analysis section of proposal.

04/25/08, Friday 3:30am
After emailing Dixie for feedback (another earnest writer) shut down computer and go to master bedroom. Insert foam earplugs to defend against snoring of both husband and shorty b. dog.

4:30am
Begin to feel sleepy.

7:00am
Awaken to a French kiss (not from husband, but from freddie b. dog).

10am
Reawaken after going back to sleep. Being building website.

12pm
Make cheap family sized box of mac cheese.

12:30pm
Talk to various Web People on phone – sort through mass quantities of bull sh*t from said Web People, end up hosting with Yahoo. Return to stove. Eat mac cheese straight out of pan on stove with a spoon. Go back to laptop sort through more bull sh*t, begin making, progress on website, return to stove, get spoon, eat more mac cheese. Repeat these steps with little variation until 6:02pm.

6:02pm
Write in Earnestine’s diary. Realize that Earnestine stinks… Hopefully Earnestine will make it to the shower before husband gets home or will be left with only dogs to French kiss tonight. (Jeeze – I haven’t had a toothbrush in mouth yet today. Is this what it means to be a writer?)